“If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”
I am not a morning person in any sense of the word. The people closest to me know that, unless it’s a life-threatening situation, I do NOT want to be called before 10AM; doing so could potentially create a life-threatening situation for the idiot on the other end of the line. This is why I don’t even bother applying for jobs with bankers’ hours. If there’s one rule I live by, it’s that I don’t get out of bed before God does.
On those very few and far between mornings that I absolutely must wake up early (translated: before 8), I charge Scooter (my husband) with the responsibility of making sure I get up, clean, dressed, and out the door. The first few times, he came bouncing into the bedroom radiating rainbows and sunshine and saying, “It’s a beautiful day, Cutie Poo!”
Not the most brilliant strategy, as he very quickly learned. I kicked, punched, and shouted a stream of obscenities before literally rolling myself up in the comforter and pulling his pillow over my head. The more he persisted, the angrier I got. After 20 minutes or so, I would get out of bed, but as the morning continued on, so did the slamming of doors and the less-than-ladylike bitchfest. To further complicate things, the smell of coffee makes me borderline nauseous, so I don’t have the luxury of an instant pick-me-up morning beverage. Unless we have a Monster energy drink on-hand, which we usually don’t.
My grandmother used to get the same kind of response on school days (minus the blue-streak of curses and physical violence). We had a lot of overnight stays with her, and every morning she’d come in saying “Good morning, Nikki Jo! It’s time to wake up! This is the day the LORD has made!!” I did not respond in kind. I remember one year at camp, someone introduced me to this verse; I immediately went back to my grandparent’s camper and memorized it. One morning at breakfast, we had the following conversation:
“Are you having fun this week, Nik?”
“Yeah. And I learned this really awesome Bible verse the other day!!”
Her eyes lit up in delight at the thought of me learning Scripture. “Really Nik? What is it?”
“Proverbs 27:14–If someone greets their neighbor with a loud blessing early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”
“Oh, Nik. You’re so funny.”
“No, grandma, really. It says it. Stop being so danged chipper first thing in the morning. It’s Biblical.”
She put an alarm clock in my bedroom at her house, and I started taking my pre-dawn frustrations out on the snooze button. It did a lot to improve our relationship–and quite possibly saved her life.
Best. Verse. Ever.