Solomon: “Good Morning” Is An Oxymoron

“If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”

Proverbs 27:14

I am not a morning person in any sense of the word.  The people closest to me know that, unless it’s a life-threatening situation, I do NOT want to be called before 10AM; doing so could potentially create a life-threatening situation for the idiot on the other end of the line.  This is why I don’t even bother applying for jobs with bankers’ hours.  If there’s one rule I live by, it’s that I don’t get out of bed before God does.

On those very few and far between mornings that I absolutely must wake up early (translated:  before 8), I charge Scooter (my husband) with the responsibility of making sure I get up, clean, dressed, and out the door.  The first few times, he came bouncing into the bedroom radiating rainbows and sunshine and saying, “It’s a beautiful day, Cutie Poo!”

Not the most brilliant strategy, as he very quickly learned.  I kicked, punched, and shouted a stream of obscenities before literally rolling myself up in the comforter and pulling his pillow over my head.  The more he persisted, the angrier I got.  After 20 minutes or so, I would get out of bed, but as the morning continued on, so did the slamming of doors and the less-than-ladylike bitchfest.  To further complicate things, the smell of coffee makes me borderline nauseous, so I don’t have the luxury of an instant pick-me-up morning beverage.  Unless we have a Monster energy drink on-hand, which we usually don’t.

My grandmother used to get the same kind of response on school days (minus the blue-streak of curses and physical violence).  We had a lot of overnight stays with her, and every morning she’d come in saying “Good morning, Nikki Jo!  It’s time to wake up!  This is the day the LORD has made!!”  I did not respond in kind.  I remember one year at camp, someone introduced me to this verse; I immediately went back to my grandparent’s camper and memorized it.  One morning at breakfast, we had the following conversation:

“Are you having fun this week, Nik?”

“Yeah.  And I learned this really awesome Bible verse the other day!!”

Her eyes lit up in delight at the thought of me learning Scripture.  “Really Nik?  What is it?”

“Proverbs 27:14–If someone greets their neighbor with a loud blessing early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.”

“Oh, Nik.  You’re so funny.”

“No, grandma, really.  It says it.  Stop being so danged chipper first thing in the morning.  It’s Biblical.”

She put an alarm clock in my bedroom at her house, and I started taking my pre-dawn frustrations out on the snooze button.  It did a lot to improve our relationship–and quite possibly saved her life.

Best.  Verse.  Ever.

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2 Responses to Solomon: “Good Morning” Is An Oxymoron

  1. kristin says:

    I love this one.

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