REOWRR!!!

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord  –Philippians 4:2

There’s few things more entertaining than a good catfight.  They’re so much more complex than altercations between males, which tend to be 90% physical and are generally centered around defending one’s honor in some form.  Bitches’ll fight over anything, and most often, all the fighting is emotionally- or socially-based.  We’re taught as youngsters to not use violence to solve our problems; rather, “use your words.”

It’s something that women do all too well.

Euodia and Syntyche were two women that worked together at the church in Philippi–albeit, not very well.  Their dissention was causing enough trouble for Paul to take notice, and mention them by name in his letter to the Philippians.  His response:  “Tell those two to knock it off.  Geez, can’t we all just get along?”  Easier said than done, I’m sure.  Women have a tendency to take any disagreement personally:  “Timmy acted out in children’s church today” gets translated as, “You think I’m a bad mother.”  Two young ladies show up to prom in the same dress.  Rather than complimenting each other’s fashion sense, they compare themselves to each other.  On the other hand, I know two guys who showed up to the same dueling piano gig unintentionally wearing the exact same outfit.  No drama there!

I’m constantly struggling with this.  Not just because I’m female, but because I’ve dealt with a lot of rejection and emotional trauma.  Because of this, I’m hyper-sensitive to any form of negativity.  As much as I try to be aware of it, I have a tendency to take everything personally.  And it’s something I’ve been working really hard to fix.  I tell myself continually that so-and-so didn’t say such-and-such with a malicious intent to hurt my feelings, but that doesn’t stop me from getting upset.  As recently as this past Sunday, some of my actions were misconstrued.  When I was confronted about it, I automatically went into Defense Mode, rather than trying to explain where I was coming from.  I spent Sunday afternoon in my kitchen having an absolute meltdown.  I knew in my head that the people involved weren’t deliberately plotting to upset me, but it didn’t stop me from going off the deep end.

Women are naturally wired to be more in touch with their feelings, which makes them more susceptible to having their feelings hurt.  Because of this, I think women are more inclined to hold onto grudges a lot longer than most men are.  A black eye or a fat lip goes away; a betrayal (real or perceived) cuts much deeper, takes longer to heal, and generally leaves a scar.  Scars remind us of what has happened to us, causing us to be more wary of others’ intentions, which causes us to reject others, which leaves a scar on them, which…you get the point.

“Let’s all just play nice.”  Ha!  Not in this lifetime!  Leave yourself unprotected for two seconds, and see what happens.  It may be okay for this particular moment, but just you wait.  There’s a kitty around the corner…

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4 Responses to REOWRR!!!

  1. Tera says:

    I think it’s sooooo interesting that this kind of same-sex conflict is still prevalent within the church today. At my church, there is definitely a sense of competition among the female church leaders. I don’t know if they’d ever say, out loud, that there is a problem. But then, that is the problem: a lot of the words women use to “fight” are sneaky, subtextual words.

  2. Nikki D. says:

    Exactly. And sometimes, it’s not words at all. Sometimes it’s a simple act of exclusion. Or (and I catch myself silently reacting to this one all the time) you say, “We should have lunch sometime!” and the other person will respond affirmatively, but five minutes later, you witness the same person having the same conversation with someone else, and them whipping out their BlackBerry to schedule it right then and there. I mean, for real. If you don’t want to have lunch with me, don’t act like you DO. Ugh. Not to mention the fake smiles people put on to hide their judgment.

    I’m SO GLAD I finally got past the whole “church people and God are not one and the same” thing…makes life so much easier.

  3. Rebekah says:

    If someone asks me to have lunch sometime, I will say yes we should. If I don’t really want to, I am not going to say “No, I don’t want to have lunch with you”. I want to say what will hurt the least. It’s what nice people do. Sometimes being brutally honest isn’t the best way to be. But really, I rarely want to go out to lunch with anyone. Maybe dinner.

  4. Nikki D. says:

    @Rebekah: As I’ve mentioned, I’m hyper-sensitive to that kind of thing. I know nothing is ever meant by it. Sometimes my feelings get hurt when I catch people giving me “lip service” (in my mind at least), then five minutes later putting forth effort to set aside time with someone else. It’s something I’m working on, for sure. EVERYTHING I’ve spoken about in my blog so far is a reference to something I know I really need to work on. Now, are they all things I **want** to work on? Hell, no! You’ve read some of that in my pre-Tarnished blogs on Facebook. But I am trying. And trying is the best I can offer.

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